Depth of Despair
by Widoh
Summary: After the events of the second class trial, Hajime is left to his own devices. He wants talent more than anything, but what happens when he is given more talent then he can handle? Izuru AU
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer : lol i wish, chiaki would still be alive if I owned dr.**

Hajime Hinata wasn't feeling so well

Maybe it was something he ate? Maybe he accidentally shared chopsticks with someone?

He was burning up, and flipped back and forth on his bed trying to find a comfortable spot. He had constant headaches, and had brief flashes of feeling like his head was shrinking in on him somehow, like he was too large to be contained in his brain.

That's nonsense of course.

How could he possibly not be able to fit in his head? It wasn't like he was gifted with good memory, it wasn't like he had talent like the rest of the Ultimates did. Even Nagito, with all of his self deprecation and his odd obsssion with hope, had a talent. And if he was honest with himself, Nagito was one of the sharpest in the group.

What did he have? Nothing.

He allowed himself to fantasize about what kind of talent that he could possess. Maybe it was something combat oriented, like ultimate soldier. He could help Peko and Nekomaru take down the robots and rescue everybody.

It could be something intellectual, like ultimate strategist or ultimate chess-player. He would be able to use his planning to sneak them off the island and help them all get home. _(He could also impress chiaki...)_

The best would be something useful, like ultimate detective, so he would be able to solve class trials instantly and they wouldn't have to worry every single time about getting massacared.

In his heart of hearts, he desperatley yearned for a ultimate talent. He wanted something, anything, to define him as something more then what he was. He didn't want to just trudge through life

as a side character

 _as talentless filth. Only the talented are worthy. Why would anybody care about something as boring as the talentless?_

Maybe he just forgot. Maybe he did have some special talent that had yet to reveal itself.

Maybe he should stop lying to himself.

It was obvious from looking at the Ultimates that talent wasn't just that you had, and something that could be simply hidden. Talent was woven through the members of the group and it defined every step they took.

The talent owned them as much as they owned it. Everyone was defined by the talent they had, everyone had dedicated their lives and who they were in pursuit of what they could do.

Hajime was pretty sure that he would remember something like that.

So Hajime silently despaired at his own incomptenence, at his nonexistant potential.

And as he despaired, he felt his headache coming on stronger and stronger until his head felt like it was going to burst at the seems.

Usually these headaches would depart after they had run their course. This one built and built and when he felt like it could build no further it built again.

He screamed as he felt an alien presence engulf his mind, and he screamed even louder when he felt himself tear into two parts.

When he opened his eyes again, they were no longer the gentle eyes of Hajime Hinata.

They were now a harsh, uncaring, red.

Izuru Kamakura cast his gaze about the room.

If you weren't watching closely, you would miss the spark of interest that lit itselft in Kamakura's eyes for an instant. But after that instant had passed, Izuru Kamakura regained the same

expression that he always wore, the expression that someone wore when they solved a problem you were just beginning to grasp.

He noticed the design of the room first, and knew that he was at some sort of vacation house. He remembered nothing of coming here, which was a hint within itself. Nothing in this world was

enough to catch him involuntarily, let alone catch him unawares. He knows that he must be implicit in this somehow. But why a vacation house?

As he looked out the window, he calculated his location using the stars in the sky.

He must be somewhere south of Japan. But that location would put him in the middle of the sea. Maybe there was a floating barge?

If he had just arrived, and if he wiped his own memories to send himself here, this place must have held some facility of purpose.

It was strange that he had no knowledge about such a facility, so it was likely that he wiped his own memories of this place.

But what kind of facility would be interesting enough for him to resort to wiping his own memories?

And what kind of facility this important would have such frivolous buildings, open to the sky and thus open to spy satelites?

There were two destinct possibilities. Since there was no power strong enough to move the stars themselves, it would be possible for the stars, or this place to be an illusion. If it was an illusion, a general simulation or simply a high resolution sky dome would be most likely.

Or,

an organization could have wrested such immense dominance over it's competitors that it controlled all surveillance, and was designing the houses like this to spite or relax the occupants.

Either way was predictable,

and eventually he'll know which one it was.

Kamakura doesn't care enough to sigh.

Kamakura says in the same unchanging montone he always uses

"Boring".

 **A/N:**

 **Hi!**

 **This is going to be a fic centered around what could have happened if Hajime caught the despair disease when everyone else did.**

 **It might seem like I'm puffing up Izuru to be some generic Gary Stu and making him completely busted, but I really want to shy away from that. I think it's the whole point of Izuru's character to be technically too strong, but inside he's too weak and bored to do anything. He's already made some mistakes here.**

 **I'm getting back into writing, and I would any sort of feedback. Some advice, criticism, or anything really. I'm just begging for reviews here.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Reviews:**

 **doomqwer: you know it! ;)**

 **The Apocryphal One: wow it's actually you! I'm a huge fan of your work. I think Extra-Life is without a doubt the cleanest and one of the most well-written fanfics I've read. Yeah there's always a danger of the super-powerful type of character to end up feeling like a self-insert, But I guess Izuru is too far gone to be relatable. I think I'm gonna have different characters catch the disease. I've got a couple ideas for who.**

 **dfriel1996: Yeah that was also one of the things I had in mind, the interactions between Hajime and his classmates when Izuru left. Maybe the classmates become over-dependent on Izuru and Hajime coming back is a bad thing for them. Maybe they welcome back Hajime with open arms. Stay tuned.**

Nagito knew something was off by the way Hajime walked into the room.

Komeada wouldn't dare to assume, wouldn't dare to presume anything regarding the Ultimates. He was a useless person, with an equally useless talent.

Ever since the beginning he was in awe of all this hope, all this unbridled sheer potential of everyone. He was truly the worst, thinking he was worthy of being a stepping stone for such hope as theirs. It was abominably selfish of him, but he wanted to see them shine as brightly as anything has ever shone. He wanted them to grow to banish any and all despair.

He wanted everyone's hope to clash and to see the despair of those who lost and the righteous hope of those who deserved to win.

He wanted to witness it.

He despaired at his own selfishness, and despaired at how happy he was for his goal to be in arms reach.

But Hajime was different.

He's been keeping an eye on Hajime every since he first saw him on the island. Originally, he thought that he was one of them. One of the walking idealizations, one of the untouchables.

His spotaneous amnesia regarding his ultimate talent could have been a bluff. But as he watched Hajime closely throughout their stay throughout the island, he started doubting he had any talent at all.

Hajime wasn't stupid, per se. Hajime was one of the most grounded in the group, and during the trials, he was a dependable cornerstone to help the rest of the Ultimates hope shine.

But he felt flat. Normal. What reason would he have for hiding his talents?

Nagito laughed at his own arrogance.

If he was an ultimate, and wanted to hide his talent, how could Nagito of all people possibly discern it?

Regardless, as he looked at Hajime he was convinced that something had gone wrong somewhere.

Hajime didn't even walk in. It's unfair to call it walking. Hajime drifted into the room.

Nagito looked at the way he stood, not the sort of eager-hesitant-shy standing of Hajime, but rather the blankness of perfect posture. Nagito looked at his eyes and almost shivered.

There wasn't the darkness and sadness of black depression. There wasn't the fire and fury of orange anger. Not even the dull yellow of shallow curiousity.

Rather, he saw a blank red apathy. The red he saw in Izuru's eyes was the color of a security camera light. It was the color of uncaring observation.

Even monsters have something in their eyes. You could find shared humanity in the eager gleam of the torturers eyes. Sure, he was delighting in causing as much pain as he could, but at least he cared how much it hurt.

The oddest thing was that even though he could see nothing similar between Hajime and himself now, he felt like he had just met a kindred spirit.

Nagito was right, in a way.

Through all of their differences,Nagito's disregard for Hajime, Izuru's disdain for Nagito, they both shared one important thing.

Of course, both of them would deny it. But underneath everything they were both were shaped by the same decision.

They had given up.

Nagito gave up control of his life, gave up responsibility after his parents were killed in the airplane crash. He was already traumatized by the non-ending spiral of his bad and good luck constantly ruining his life.

His parents dying was his fault, Nagito thought. So he gave up on friendship, and gave up on trust. No-one could get close to him because his luck would eventually destroy all that he held dear.

His obsession with hope was originally a defense mechanism from responsibility and his obsession with talent was hope for perfection to save him from himself. Eventually, his defense mechanism became who he was.

Izuru had given up the instant he was created. What was the point of trying, of doing anything? Everything was predictable, everything was easy.

What could he achieve? It turns out everything is an equally as depressing answer as nothing. Nothing was fufilling, because nothing could be done as a result of effort.

Everything was just done by his talent.

* * *

Izuru was hungry.

So Izuru went to look for food.

Sometimes there is a tendency for people who want to be intelligent to over-think everything. Therefore, there is a tendency for intelligent people to over-think everything.

Izuru did not want to be intelligent.

He simply was.

And as he walked towards what could only be some sort of hotel, he noticed pictures on the walls of the other cabins.

 _Akane Owari_

 _Nidai Nekomaru_

 _Nagito Komeada_

Strange. This opened up more possibilities, like the Future Foundation torturing the remnants with kindness by locking them in a paradise and refusing to let them despair. Maybe Ultimate Despair had won, and this was a brainwashing camp to torture the next generation into this generation's likeliness.

This made things almost interesting.

 _Kazuichi Soda_

But the brief excitement died as quickly as it came, and any hope Izuru had for something interesting melted like a snowball in a forest fire.

Izuru's mind did what it did best and chased every possibility down it's path towards its inevitable ending.

 _Peko Pekayama_

Now he knew everything that could happen, everything that would happen, and life became predictable again.

 _Sonia Nevermind_

Everything was so boring.

 _Mikan Tsukumi_

 _Chiaki Nanami_

Huh? That shouldn't...

That shouldn't be possible. She had died. Izuru had watched her die, and did nothing about it. She was seriously injured, but she had a greater then 70% chance of surviving if he gave her immediate medical attention.

He could have saved her , should have saved her...

Huh?

For a second time, he felt himself stutter mentally.

Izuru was talent incarnate. He was perfection, the dreams of the top minds of humanity realized. Izuru did not have regrets.

Distracted, he walked into the hotel building, where he faintly heard his classmates clamoring upstairs.

He walked into the restaurant and began eating.

His classmates being alive and in their original states pointed to one distinct possibility that was as boring as the others. But why was Chiaki here?

He gazed at her, taking in the sight of her un-perforated and perfectly healthy body while she was perfecting her score on Gala-Omega for what was probably the thousandth time.

Her silver pink hair drifted across her shoulders, her fingers jabbing quickly with expert skill at her device. One slip of the finger and she gave her

 _adorable_

signature pout by puffing her cheeks out. Frustrated, she rebooted the game and continued with the unfailing dedication only the ultimate gamer had.

"So you're going for Chiaki huh. I see where you're coming from. She does have massive... assets, but Sonia-san is the only one in my eyes!

You just can't replace the attraction of royalty y,know?"

Izuru didn't spare Kazuichi a glance.

"Shut up. You bore me"

Kazuichi stood up, suprised "Whaa... That's really horrible of you Hajime. Man, when did you get so mean?"

"Speaking of horrible, what the heck is that thing"

"Shut up! Somebody must have spent a lot of time and effort making it" Hiyoko squealed,annoyed for some reason that the abomination in the corner was insulted.

"Eeeeek! Ibuki is seriously frightened. What is this overpowering aura of disgustingness?"

Sonia's face grew pale as she looked

"Why... Why would anybody do something so cruel. Why would somebody even build this thing?"

"Maybe somebody built it to honor Mahiru's memory dum-dums" Hiyoko seems to know quite a lot about this hypothetical person.

So Mahiru had died. Why Mahiru? Especially in Class-77 pre-despair state, Mahiru was the least dangerous one of all of them. The possibilities narrowed even further

"If she saw this she would cry rivers of blood. The only option is to BURN IT! BURN IT TILL THERE's NOTHING LEFT!" Nekomaru was already preparing to smash the disgrace of a monument into kindling for his fire.

"Someone probably put a lot of effort into this memorial so we could mourn for Mahiru. We can't burn it." Chiaki stood between Nekomaru and the statue, game forgotten.

Why would you do something so unnecessary? It wasn't logical at all to protect something like this. It wouldn't even be virtue signaling, as everyone else wants to get rid of this to.

So why?

"It was Hiyoko. Her lack of talent in all other areas besides dancing created this disaster"

Izuru monotoned in his flat, quiet voice.

Everyone gave Hajime a curious glance. He had been acting odd this morning, but most of them chalked it up to shock at the violent deaths of Mahiru and Peko.

Chiaki's concerened gaze lingered for a second on the half-asleep Izuru.

Soon, everyone's focus returned to the issue at hand.

"Oooh..." Sonia exclaimed,slightly put off the abruptness of Izuru "Well... she must have had good intentions. Hiyoko was really close to Mahiru, before..."

Well, everyone except for Nagito. He stared at Izuru in bewilderment, wondering at the sudden shift of character. Wondering what it could mean for his plans.

"Exactly. Which is why... Yep, I think it's a nice decoration" Chiaki said, convincing the rest of the class.

"After hearin ya say that, I'm startin to feel the same thing." Akane took a break from attacking her breakfast to see what all the hubbub was about.

And so they returned to their normal morning routine.

"Hey... are you okay Hajime?" Chiaki asked as Izuru prepared to leave.

"You have been acting quite strange lately." Sonia chimed in.

"Yea..yeah. Are you sick? Do you want me to look after you?" Mikan said as she gave shy glances towards Izuru.

"Don't forget, we are in a killing game. Which means we have to stick toogether AS A TEAM. And as the TRAINER of this TEAM,it is my responsibility to look out for all the players."

Nekomaru bellowed

"Training Hajime, 3 o'clock this afternoon. If you don't come, I will hunt for you."

How boring. Now he knew for certain what was going on, and the rest of the potential possibilities disapeared.

It was something he had predicted. Again.

Izuru walked out of the hotel and into the welcoming light of another sunny day.

 **A/N:**

 **I already had this chapter ready but I had to give it some elbow grease before I published review! Let me know what you think I could have done better, or just comment on anything in general. All feedback is welcome.**


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